Billie Tyrell
I am from my warm, cosy bed
where i dreamed day and night
with my old scruffy bear called ted
which helped me feel safe and fall asleep tight.
I am from
A big shining city
where i learned to walk and talk
together with my kitty
that tought me how to catlwalk.
I am from
hard days at school
to my glorious back yard pool
where my homework awaits me
but my dreams overtake me.
I am from
the days of youth
where i slowly discover the truth
where challangers overwhelm me
and risks are there to take me.
I like "I am from my warm, cosy bed
ReplyDeletewhere i dreamed day and night
with my old scruffy bear called ted"
because it really flows nicely, and tells me something about your childhood, but the fourth line in that stanza is a little too long to flow with the rest of the stanza... I like how you used a lot of adjectives in your poem so nothing is vague.
I really like the part from line 7-9. It is a good internal rhyme included and with the according 2 lines, you communicate the massage that you had a really nice time in Australia, and did not miss anything. Even though I think " walk and talk" is a really common rhyme so maybe think of more special things. - Caroline W
ReplyDeleteThe third stanza or the lines 10-14 are really good. It has proper rhyming words with a rhyme scheme of aabb.
ReplyDelete-Devarsh Shah